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What a Cutie!

Okay,

Today’s post starts with a funny anecdote.

While we were in the hospital having Grace, we had an AWESOME nurse named Pat. One morning she came in and commented that Gracie was beautiful.

Now as much as I love to hear that, I laughed and said, “Well, yeah, you work here, you have to say that.”

She then let me in on a little secret, based on 20 years of maternity ward experience…

She said, “When someone at the hospital tells you that your that your baby is “beautiful,” they mean, your baby is beautiful.

When they look at your baby and say, “Aww, what a cutie…”

That means, “Wow, that is one ugly baby!”

I swear, that is exactly what she told us!

So, in that light, I’m going to post my top five WORST responses to seeing a newborn. Please add your own below…

5. “Wow, I mean…um…wow!”

4. “Aww, let me run down to the cafeteria and get a banana for your monkey!”

3. “You know, I hear the circus industry is wide open!”

2. “Did your nose start out like that?”

And #1: “That reminds me, we’re talking about Darwinism at church…I think I need to do some more reading…”

Your turn!

-Perk

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12 thoughts on “What a Cutie!

  1. Mary Lou on said:

    “He looks awful” said by my wife as we were shown our just born child.
    “Thank God he looks like Holly.”
    “He looks like you; hopefully he’ll grow out of that.”
    “Why do they always look like angry little old men?”

  2. AaDO's wife--SuperDi on said:

    I’m thinking on a response. Mostly, I’m wondering what it means when the hospital staff call your baby, “The Princess.” That’s what Alayne was called at Emanuel’s NICU. At the time, I thought it was because she was pretty compared to all the other preemies and medically needy babies. (Did you notice that almost all preemies look like haunted little old men? Maybe you have to see a lot of them to realize that).
    OK–response:
    “AAWWW, Sweet. What? No…no..nooo, I don’t want, I mean need, to hold it.”

  3. Mr. E. Nigma on said:

    I feel as though I can say any of these to anyone with out fear… because I was an ugly baby. (AcerbiC Villian save your comments… I know, I know.)

    Born at nearly 11 lbs, I was just over 22 lbs at my one month checkup. Even the Doctor said and I almost quote ” What the %$*% !!”

    I looked like the bastard love child of Cass Eliot and the Michelin Tire Man. I was four weeks old and looked like a fat guy in a sumo suit. A face only a mother could love? My mom said, “I love him… I just can’t look at him!”

    Sooo….

    Look at all that hair!(obscure won’t get you in trouble… if the baby actually has hair)

    Holy God! Dude, warn me first!

    I bet she’ll have a great personality.

    Look at those ears! (anytime a single bodypart is called out… that’s not good)

    What a cutie!

    Looks like he/she fell out of the ugly tree and didn’t miss a branch. (This one’s like an old song, everyones heard it but it’s still good)

    Your gene’s are broken.

    You sure the camera was in focus? (If your being shown a picture.)

    1 in a million! (the odds of them finding a spouse)

    I’ve seen potato’s with better eyes.

    She’ll grow out of it, I did! (AC save your comments)

    You should have named her Fiona!

  4. Dinana on said:

    Along with the one above…

    Aubrey was pretty, and as she grew one area of her face became…shall we say…a little more pronounced…

    We were watching TV when she was about 4 months old…DUMBO

  5. Dinana on said:

    WHOOPS…I’ll finish…

    When the elephants all said

    “GET A LOAD OF THOSE E*A*R*S”

    That became our quote…

    good thing hair covers ears!

    We were told the same line about Shannon…She’s beautiful…blah…blah…blah…want a sister for Grace??? 🙂

  6. I’m still to much in shock that Perry has a love child to come up with anything.

  7. “He/she looks just like you!”…

    Now, stop & think, go to a mirror if you must. Is it really a complement? Hmmm…….

  8. Someone forgot to clean the filter on the Gene Pool.

    Wow, no matter where you are at lest one of the eyes is looking at you.

    Have you thought of wrapping the blanket up higher?…higher? There, now Charlie Brown can keep his MELON warm.

    I have heard of “blue blood” royalty, I guess I never realized you could see it in the face like that.

    You see, there are baby smurfs!

  9. Lvl 8 FiFA Ref on said:

    You know you are an ugly baby when…

    the doctor comes into the waiting room and says to the father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through.”

    your mother had morning sickness…..AFTER you were born.

  10. Mr. E. Nigma on said:

    EGADS! I have been asked several times about the Fiona reference. The princess in the Shrek movies is named Fiona. A big green ogre!

  11. Posted for Gary:

    “Don’t worry, she won’t always look like that, …hopefully.”

    She looks at the dad, who’s not in the running for Brad Pit look alike and says, “Ah, SHE looks like Daddy.”

    “We were afraid something might be wrong with her head, but the doctor said it’s fine. I’m still not sure…I mean look at that. Are you ok with that?”

    “I don’t know if you knew this or not, but statistically there are more families that want to adopt than there are babies to adopt, and we have a great referral program if that’s something you’re interested in.”

    “Wow, that kid is all boy. Is his name Rocky?” The father responds, “No, HER name is Allison.”

  12. I swear I heard this at the hospital when one of my grand-nephews was born… the comment wasn’t aimed at them, but it stuck with me…

    “Is it a boy or a girl?… [wait for answer]… oh, bless your heart…”

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