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Growing up in the Church…

Hey all,

So a friend of mine has been married for a few months now, and she was telling me that people are already bugging her if she says she’s not feeling well, of that she’s gained weight, wanting to know if she is pregnant “yet.”

Here’ s what I told her, feel free to add your own thoughts below…

Hey sis,

I have some bad news for you.

It’s called the “Christian Fellowship Three-Step.” It goes like this…

First: “Ohhhhh…are you two DATING?”

This means that you have been seen eating with, speaking to, or breathing the same air as a member of the opposite sex. This is usually HS/College age stuff, but can linger into young adult groups. You know, you’ve been there.

Second: “Ohhhh…are you two getting MARRIED?”

Translated: You’ve dated twice.

Third: “Ohhhh…are you guys PREGNANT?”

IE: You’ve been married for more that 24 hours and they suspect that you’ve had sex by now. BTW, there is NO statute of limitations on this question. We were getting it ten years into our marriage. I finally just started telling people, “Nope, I have a zero sperm count.” Tell your hubby that this line works REALLY well, lol.




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3 thoughts on “Growing up in the Church…

  1. Mary Lou on said:

    I need to preface that all of these are being asked by adults to adults and none of them family or even close friends of the subjects and all come from a certain church over on the sunnyside of portland.

    “Are you two having sex?”
    this is most common when one or both of you returned to your homes after 11:30
    With a true inquisitor this will be followed by a list of actions that are considered sex, this can and often includes french kissing , hugging too long, or slow dancing

    “Why aren’t you dating anyone?”
    Translation: Why aren’t you dating anyone from our church that I would know?

    “Why don’t you date christians?”
    Translation: Why aren’t you dating someone from our church? or Why don’t you bring your dates to our church?

    “You should get more involved in our singles group.”
    Translation: Somone saw you on a date with someone that does not go to our church.

    “We’re praying for you two.”
    Translation: We are talking about you two

    “You should double date with us.”
    You two heathens aren’t getting it on on our watch.

  2. “We’re praying for you two. Translation: We are talking about you two”



  3. I was seriously hoping that this bitter streak would mellow now that you are happily married. At least consider letting it go- after all, if it wasn’t for Sunnyside I wouldn’t know you, so not EVERYthing was bad. 🙂 Besides, you gave them reason to question your sanity- you swung from the rafters with no rope or harness!!

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