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I’ve been profiled!



So as I’m now a full-time writer (more on that next time,) I’ve found a couple of new ways to supplement my income during the lean times (I’m told there are times BESIDES the lean times, I’m looking forward to those!) One way I do this is to baby-sit on Monday mornings for our Church women’s Bible study.

This morning, Grace and I got an early start, dropping Mommy off at work, hitting the coffee company, and then driving over to the church where our ladies meet. We got there about 45 minutes early, so I opened up the paper and started on the crosswords. The kiddo was asleep in the back…

About twenty minutes later I notice, from the corner of my eye, a van pull into the parking lot. It’s not one I recognized, so I dismissed it and went back to my paper. Vaguely, I realized that it’s driving slowly behind where I’m parked, then slooooowly past the front of my car again.

Subconsciously I racked it up to someone turning around and I STILL don’t look up.

Then I realize that the van has pulled around behind me again. At this point, protective Daddy mode kicks in and I grow suspicious as to what this driver is doing, what he wants with my child (an ironic assumption) and how quickly I could roll down the window and get off a shot, if need be.

THEN, the van pulls up parallel to me about three spaces away and the window rolls down. A VERY concerned looking woman (who I will later recognize as the host-church’s secretary) looks at me warily and asks, “Are you waiting for someone…?”

Then it hits me…

Here’s a guy, sitting in an empty parking lot at 7:30 in the morning, full beard, baseball cap, and wearing a black hooded sweatshirt…I pretty much screamed “Danger…Danger…Danger…”

I’d been profiled!

Before I could reply the woman suddenly recognized me and exclaimed, “Oh…you’re the BABYSITTER!”

Then she jumps out of her van and walks across the parking lot to the church without a backward glance.

I still can’t decide if I’m offended or not.

I mean, I like to think I could be considered a LITTLE dangerous. It’s like she said…”Oh, You’re the FLOWER GIRL”…and totally dismissed me.

Maybe I need a tattoo.


Okay…okay…here’s the pics:

Gracie, living the rough life…


Sportin’ her “TeamPerk” Outfit…


Helping Dad write…



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17 thoughts on “I’ve been profiled!

  1. Vic-the-Prego-Wife on said:

    Plus, don’t forget you were sitting in a banged up Honda (aka- pre-lowered speaker with wheels).

    I guess you should be offended. Obviously the tatoo (skin vandalism) isn’t necessary in order to be profiled. She was suspicious anyway. If you had a tatoo, she never would have opened her window to ask you a question (although if she were me, she may have opened it just to make sure she had a clean shot).

    I’ll give you this- she profiled you while you were reading the paper- a literate hoodlum?

  2. AaDO's wife--SuperDi on said:

    Hey Perry, if it were Vicki pulling into that parking lot, would you want her profiling? Better yet–Gracie in about 16-17 years? We all can’t be too cautious anymore, more’s the pity. I profile ANYONE I dont’ know in those sorts of situations. When I was leaving the tea house alone in the dark after making scones, I used to call Wade on my cell phone before I left the safety of it’s locked doors. Just to walk about 50 feet to my car. I wouldn’t go out at ALL if there was anyone nearby.

  3. AaDO's wife--SuperDi on said:

    It’s nice that Gracie is learning the best cola to drink when she’s able.

  4. AaDO's wife--SuperDi on said:

    OH, and does the Binkie help with writer’s block?

  5. Yep, you’ve been profiled. Big…….hairy……..teddy bear. It could be worse. At lease she didn’t call you the “nanny”.

    We’re blessed to have ya.

  6. Great comments!

    My replies:

    1. Vic: Yes…yes..skin vandalism…your ultra-conservative views on tatooing are well known.

    2. SuperDi: Gracie won’t need to profile, she will know how to lead a moving target, and the “three shots, center mass” concept.

    Next, even “I” am not crazy enough to give her caffiene. I have a hard enought time getting her to sleep now.

    As far as the binkie goes…what happens at the desk, stays at the desk…

    5. Jeni – You KNOW that Mikey will be calling me the nanny from now on!


  7. Mary Lou on said:

    OH!! I know!! You can get a tattoo on your arm that says Murry Poppins, only it will be in chinese so you look cultured.

  8. Dinana on said:

    Vic, you’re not still prego…get back on the train…no more sympathy for you…oh wait…you are still married to Perry…hmmm…a cunundrum…

    Perry, glad to see you’re being supervised…she’s too young for pretzels tho…

    I offered you a babysitting job, and what did you say to me??? Sheesh!!! I see how I (don’t) rank!

    Mr. French, I presume???

  9. I love you Mary Lou 🙂

  10. Mr. E. Nigma on said:

    I don’t want to add to your insecurity issues here, princess (that’s a lie, I don’t care), but I’m more scared of Vic that you!

    That’s no joke. :l

  11. Mr E:


    You promised you’d never tell anyone about that costume.


    PS: You should be.

  12. Ok… Up to the point of not recognizing you… I can see wanting to be cautious, but after that… I have to say it, but don’t you get pretty much dismissed anyway?

  13. Acerbic Villain on said:

    let me just say this:




    That is all.

    …. teddybear.

    – AV

  14. Acerbic Villain on said:


    I think that church just has a very strict, NO HOMELESS policy.

    I don’t think they thought you were dangerous.

    – AV

  15. AV-

    You’re friggin’ awesome!



  16. Acerbic Villain on said:

    By the way Perry,

    It’s no fair that your kiddo has the cutest little fuzzy head I’ve seen in a long while.

    Cool pics!

    – AV

  17. AV,

    LOL. Don’t I know it!

    In honor of my 1/4 American Indian blood, we have named her, “Princess Crazy Hair.”


    PS- For the sake of fairness to my redneck side, her other pseudonym is “Pookie-Lou.”

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