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The Americans With No Abilities Act

Thank you “Ma G” for this timely news update!
WASHINGTON, DC-

Congress is considering sweeping legislation which will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
 
“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society.” said California Senator Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”
 
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.
 
Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%) and home improvement “warehouse” stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
 
Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million “middle man” positions will be created, with important sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
 
Mandatory non-performance based raises & promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The Americans With No Abilities Act(AWNAA) legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Person of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
 
Finally, AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against “Non-abled-banning”, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as “do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?”
 
“As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her lack of any discernible job skills. “This new law should really help people like me” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, “As a Senator With No Abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with No Abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation.

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14 thoughts on “The Americans With No Abilities Act

  1. I’m hopeful for you, Perry!

  2. Flint, MI on said:

    When frat boys fall short of their dreams of endless attention and peer approval, too often they end up sounding like Nazi death camp comedians. Get over yourself. Bitterness and superiority complexes are not skills, either.

  3. Wow, I got a response from the entire city of Flint, MI? How very brave of them…

    I’m a “frat boy” now? Hmmm…guess I’ll hafta add that to my resume…musta missed those years.

    Got news for ya Sparky, you are neither my peer, nor anyone I’m looking for approval from.

    I’m guessing that this article was written for someone just like you.

    I also love the fact that every time you piss off a liberal they have to pull the word “Nazi” out of there state-donated, recycled-hemp ditty bag.

    Thanks for the post!

    -Perry

  4. Acerbic Villain on said:

    Wow, and who would have thought that the entire town of Flint, MI would feel so strongly about that? Interesting. I’ll bet tomorrow’s lunch that either Hillary or Obama will stop by there soon on the campaign trail. Clearly they can expect overwhelming support and turnout.

    Well, either way. I’ve always liked that “Americans with no abilities” spam. That’s made the spam email circuit a few times now. Funny each time.

    Could the “frat boy” reference be some sort of misspelled pejorative about your weight?

    If so, bravo Flint. Bravo.

    Also, I think it’s odd that Flint thinks that the Nazi death camps had comedians. Maybe he watched “Life is Beautiful” or has happened to have the opportunity to sneak in to some vault somewhere and pre-screen “The Day the Clown Cried”… Either way, it would be best if Flint would review his history. 🙂

    You know Flint; they hide all this information in books now.

    Flint, please come back and explain your points so I can moc…errrm… discuss them intelligently with you.

    Regarding this point you made: “Bitterness and superiority complexes are not skills…”

    Au Contraire, Mon Petite Poulet

    – AV

  5. Acerbic Villain on said:

    and by… ‘Au Contraire, Mon Petite Poulet’

    I mean:

    “Just ask the French”

    – AV

    PS- Opps, sorry I forgot…it appears sarcasm is lost on you.

  6. Mr. E. Nigma on said:

    How come it’s always the guys acting like the Nazi’s calling everyone else Nazi’s?

    Lib’s do this all the time… If you don’t think like them, act like them, agree with them, your a fascist… or worse yet a Republican!!

    Thing is there Flint, you may have more in common with Nazi’s than than the people you accuse. You see, Nazi’s didn’t like people thinking differently that they did either, and Nazi’s didn’t have a sense of humor (how else do you explain Sgt Schultz, who never seemed to get it?).

    You apperently don’t like people having an opinion other than yours, and may well have missed the joke in the above article, that has been around awhile (no doubt, according to you, written by some beer swilling frat boy). Speaking of beer swilling frat boy’s… the President isn’t Hitler either, and the more you guys say that kind of stuff the dumber you look.

    There is no shortage of narrow minded ‘fascist’ people on either side of the political isle… but it always seems to be the lib’s pointing the finger in this manner.

    Interesting Nazi’s often call fascist’s or fascism is defined as “A social and political ideology with the primary guiding principle that the state or nation is the highest priority, rather than personal or individual freedoms.”

    Who does this sound like… i guess that would depend on who you ask or what your talking about. But to suggest (I know you didn’t, but I’m assuming you, or some other liberal, would) that this is only a conservative or Republican trait is funny to me.

    Some of my closest friends are would fervently disagree with me, but we can talk with out all the name calling.

    I hope you do post again, we have treated you harshly, but like you said… Get over yourself.

  7. Acerbic Villain on said:

    Liberals are so cute when they get all uppity and superior…

    – AV

  8. Firstly…

    HEY! No need to insult chickens in this!

    Secondly…

    I agree, Perry…no need to call you a NAZI when KNUCKLE DRAGGING, INBRED NEANDERTHAL will do…

    We “LIBERALS” have many, many options!

    Thirdly…

    AV…what do you mean by “when”?

  9. “KNUCKLE DRAGGING, INBRED NEANDERTHAL ”

    Um…Dinana…I think you’re mistaking me for one of your old boyfriends again…

    Oh, that’s right…you’re a liberal…sorry about the “boy” in boyfriends. Didn’t mean to limit your options to a specific gender…or species.

    -Perk

  10. Yes, I’m one of those, and I can use punctuation!

    🙂

  11. Acerbic Villain on said:

    HEY!… are you… criticizing… the use… of elipses?… …

    ??

    😀

    – AV

  12. no…i don’t spell you’re with an ;…

    maybe that’s the conservative way to do it!

    oh…he fixed his mistake…that perk…

  13. Ahh, minutia…the hobgoblin of little minds.

  14. Can you feel the love!!!

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