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15 things we wouldn’t know if it wasn’t for the movies

1. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
2. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home,
3. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
5. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphaous underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.
6. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
7. If someone says, “I’ll be right back”, they won’t.
8. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: Enter Password Now.
9. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit.
10. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
11. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
13. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head.
14. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
And last but not least
15. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
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12 thoughts on “15 things we wouldn’t know if it wasn’t for the movies

  1. Dinana on said:

    16. If your character has no name, you’re a goner.

  2. I realize I’m not as smart as you but I can’t find a definition for diaphaous.

    17. Your chance for survival depends on the channel your movie airs on. So don’t live your life on the scifi or hallmark channel.

  3. NWDrew,

    You shouldn’t say such mean things about yourself, lol!

    It looks like the writer misspelled it…

    di·aph·a·nous [dahy-af-uh-nuhs]

    –adjective

    1. very sheer and light; almost completely transparent or translucent.

    2. delicately hazy.

    [Origin: 1605–15; < ML diaphanus < Gk diaphan(s) transparent (equiv. to diaphan-, s. of diaphaínein to show through.

    So, think of those horribly overpriced “Victoria Secrets” outfits that we men are more than happy to spend our money on…

    MMM…diaphanous…

    -Perk

  4. 18. Never wear a red uniform shirt on your first away mission.

  5. Acerbic Villian on said:

    Another Star Trek reference. But I suppose it’s applicable in other genres.

    When the words: “Captain I’ve found something” are uttered off screen, they’re always followed by “AAAAAAAAAAH” (gruesome death)

  6. Annoying Sidekick on said:

    Anyone can drive a car like a stunt driver…but it doesn’t really matter because at some point they will crash spectacularly…flames…explosions…and crawl out of the wreckage and walk away.

  7. Acerbic Villian on said:

    ^^^ I guess that was #20.

    21. The amount of bullets your Uzi can legitimately carry really doesn’t matter. You can continue to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge while spraying what amounts to 75 pounds of bullets from each Uzi in the course of a 3 minute gun battle.

    22. Computer monitors will display characters across your face if you’re accessing the computer in a poorly lit room.

    23. Police forensic offices are ALL set up to have cool awesome futuristic reflected-light décor if they are in New York, Miami or Los Angeles (it’s the law). If they’re in Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas or some other non HUGE metropolitan area, then they’re set up in mid-80s industrial office décor (maybe even with a super slow moving metal fan).

  8. Awesome!

    Another note on computers, they all display the blinking DOS promt, which is the universal sign that you must enter a password…

    Which the good guy will figure out in three tries or less.

    -Perk

  9. Dinana on said:

    24. The good guys shoot to kill with simple guns, while the bad guys couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a semiautomatic weapon!

  10. R rated ones

    25. Women are instantly turned on if you look at them the right way.

    26. A women can be completly satisfied twice within 5 minutes

    27. When enjoy being slammed against hard surfaces before sex like tables and walls.

  11. 28. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

    29. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

  12. Joyce…awesome!

    Also…

    #30 – THe door to any building can be opened with a credit card.

    Or, credit cards can’t open ANY door but you can get a standard lock-pick kit at Wal-Mart.

    -P

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